As a mother, I never, ever thought I would say something like that, but it is my awful truth.
If he had contracted cancer as a teen instead of this personality disorder, then it would have been him and us fighting together against the cancer. Instead, what we got was him turned sociopath, fighting against us and all that we hold dear. And he was determined to infect all of the rest of us, particularly his younger siblings!
Even if it were terminal? Yes! If he had died as the boy we knew and loved, we would miss him desperately, but we would be at peace with knowing that he was in the loving arms of our Savior and that we would be together again someday.
As it stands, we desperately miss the boy that was once such an integral part of our family anyway. We don't recognize this man-child that has tried so hard to tear this family apart. We don't know this man that turned my husband's parents so viciously upon us.
If he had contracted a terminal illness, then he wouldn't be spending his days destroying the lives of innocent women and children, commiting armed robberies and home invasions. He wouldn't have pulled his younger brother along with him into a life of drugs and crime. If he had died while he was young, we wouldn't worry over his eternal salvation.
This is my truth. Why would I share such a thing? In hopes that you will come to peace with the awful truths that your sociopath has brought to your life.
until I had a relationship with a sociopath, i would not have understood how a mother could feel that way about their child...be;ieve me now I understand so I hope you dont feel guilty for being human
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Every parent wants for their children to be happy and to be free, and it is painful for us to see how utterly miserable he is in this deep, dark illness that has imprisoned him for so many years.
ReplyDeleteOh, that instead of being locked in a prison cell due to his actions, how I wish that he were in a hospital room being treated for an illness that allowed him to still be him, where we could converge and come together as a family and fight it together.