Friday, March 18, 2011

Ignorance is NOT bliss

Some cannot handle facing the fact that their loved one is a sociopath.  Others simply don't care, because for the time being anyway, the sociopath is feeding their ego with delicious proclamations of how they are their whole world, they couldn't possibly live without them, and they are the most beautiful creatures on the planet.

Outsiders can see these for what they are, simply ways to control and manipulate the victim, but for whatever reason, the victims shut their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears and sing loudly whenever anyone tries to point out the truth to them.  And thus, they remain victims.

Ignorane is NOT bliss.  Ignorance is setting oneself up for heartbreak and disaster and allowing oneself to be used and abused. 

On the other hand, understanding is recognition, the first step in protecting oneself.  Understanding and acknowledging is initially painful, but ultimately freeing.  It empowers one to leave the victimhood behind and move on, a stronger person.

"There is no explanation for evil.  It must be looked upon as a necessary part of the order of the universe.  To ignore it is childish, to bewail it is senseless. " -W. Somereset Maugham

I know that I will not in this life time understand my son's evil ways.  I have learned that to ignore it or chalk it up to 'boys will be boys' is foolhardy.  I have also learned that to dwell on it or fret about "where we went wrong", allows him to retain power over me.   

All those that over the years have chosen to support him are not just his victims, but his accomplices.  Someday they may have to answer for their part in the damages he has inflicted upon others.  Ignorance is not bliss!

You wouldn't know that by the people that have turned so viciously on us when we have tried to warn them.  I will forever be persecuted by him and his kind for calling them on their crap, but even if I should die at his hands, I would not regret taking the brave stand and "outing" him in my efforts to minimize the young lives he tries to destroy.  Now if only his harem were brave enough to take their fingers out of their ears...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

"Meetup" with Other Survivors of Sociopaths

I learned something new today!

Meetup is the world's largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face. 

Meetup's mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference.
Learn more on the Meetup HQ Blog.

And guess what?  There are listings under Sociopath! 

If you live in Arizona, this group may be for you.

In Florida, they have a group that meets via telephone for safety reasons.

There is also a group for New Yorkers.

And of course, Texas is also represented by a group.

If you know of a support group for survivors of sociopaths anywhere in the english speaking world, let us know about it!  We must help each other heal and remember so that we are never sucked back in again.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Held Hostage by a Sociopathic Child!

The first time I shared this blog with friends, I got a reply back almost immediately from an old friend who lives in another state.

"Your son is MY daughter. I am not just saying that. Between her domestic violence charges for attacks on me, to her being picked up smoking drugs. It is soooooo hard to deal with. I am to the point where I am literally counting the days until she turns 18. In fact, there are 118 days for me to remain hostage in my own house with this terror."

I'm sure that my friend, like me, had no idea when she held her sweet little baby in her arms of the utter turmoil that child would eventually throw the entire family into.  That is the nature of this disease.

I think that it is important for others to realize the horrors of being held hostage in your own home by your own child.  This girl has threatened to kill her mother while she sleeps!  If anybody else in the world had done that, there would be serious repercussions.  If older, it would qualify as punishable under Elder Abuse laws.  But when it is your own child, you are legally required to  keep them in your home. 

I'm a pretty stoic person, but I remember hours spent sobbing on the phone, with various social workers and agencies trying to no avail to find help protecting my other children from our son. 

We well remember a time when our son had been a runaway and then we got the call in the middle of the night that the police had picked him up for urinating on a playground.  We had no desire to pick him up and bring him back into our home, but we also didn't want to face charges ourselves or risk having our other children removed, so we put him in the van and headed for a local youth facility that gives parents and kids a time out from each other after a counseling session. 

Of course, once away from the police, he was vicious and belligerent.  I remember the ride there vividly and the fear that he would either grab the wheel from my husband and cause us to crash or that he would use the seat belt to strangle me. My husband later confessed to the exact same fears running through his mind.  I kept thinking about us leaving the other children orphaned in our attempts to appease the law with this child.

But guess what?  The facility didn't take him because we didn't say that we were within an inch of strangling him.  It didn't matter that we feared for our lives

My friend is still a few months from her daughter's birthday and I worry and fear for her daily.  I know the nightmare she is living.  We can only pray that the child will run away for the remainder of that time.

I know we are not alone in this!  There are other parents out there in our shoes!  Where is the logic?  Should there not be laws in place that protect parents from their dangerously mentally ill children?

Sociopaths in the Prison System

I appreciated the KSL news story last night on the mentally ill in the prison system.  It is a sad situation and something must be done.

Along the same lines, and yet not so much along the same lines…

I'd really like to see the media tackle the issue of sociopathy.

Anti-Social Personality Disorder is a mental illness, but there is no cure and no treatment and they are a danger to their families and everybody else.  Our son held his own brother up at gunpoint. 

His incarceration has allowed us greater peace and we dread the day he is released.


I would love to hear the experts weigh in on this issue.  When a sociopath’s time is served, everyone knows they are a danger to society, but they are released anyway.  We are blessed to live in America where everyone is innocent until proven guilty of a crime, but where does public safety come in to play? 

I am always searching for answers on this, but so far what I find always boils down to this:  Just get the toxic person out of your life.  

That’s easy to say when it’s a boyfriend, but we know that if it’s your own child or the father of your children, it’s just not that simple.   Even NAMI has no support groups for Anti-Social Personality Disorder.  Of course it’s not the sociopaths that need this group, but us, the families and victims of them! 

I wonder if maybe sociopathy was the real reason that the British shipped their criminals off to Australia back then…

What are your thoughts on this?