If I Had It All To Do Over... Raising a Sociopath

The thought of living our sociopath son's teen years over again is absolutely horrifying.  They were such a roller coaster ride of emotions with a lot more time spent down that up.  Our home is generally a very peaceful place to be.  When he was home though, it was the opposite.   It was like he sucked the peace right out of a room upon entering and spewed forth negative energy.  We walked on eggshells, forced to be suspect of his every move. We had to safe guard our wallets, purses, vehicles and younger children.  We felt like prisoners whenever he was home.  It is was like having the enemy in our camp and being powerless to evict him!  Why secure the house each night when the one we feared most was within?

I ask myself frequently what I would do differently if I had it to do all over again.  At that time though, we didn't know how dire his diagnosis was.  We had hopes of saving him from himself, so we kept plugging away.  As a consequence, we lost our next oldest to drugs, alcohol and crime for quite some time. 

I don't know what we could have done differently.  We hung in there.  We tried it all.  We listened to every professional and tried every technique and method suggested.  We read and studied and fasted and prayed and tried to love him through it all.  I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom so that I could stay on top of things and my husband changed careers so that he wouldn't have to leave town.

In retrospect, knowing what I know now, that we were fighting a losing battle, would I have done anything different?  The only thing I can imagine is that maybe I could have gotten a high enough paying job to be able to put him into a military school.  He went through several fabulous state-sponsored rehabilitative programs, from Therapeutic Group Homes to Detention Facilities to a Wilderness Trek, but they were temporary and I fear he just corrupted the other boys and manipulated the adults, especially the female ones.  What we needed was a place where they were paid to keep him, but it would have had to have been a high security facility and those don't come cheap!  All I've ever wanted in life is to be a full-time mom, but if it would have meant saving my other children from his influence, then I suspect that my returning to work for a few years might have been worth it.

So there you have it, but I have to chuckle, because being a mother, I realize that had we done that, I would probably live in guilt for having "abandoned" him!  There is no escaping the mommy guilt!  It is our lot in life, but I'll take it, for there is no greater calling in life than parenthood.  Though I'd not choose to repeat those years, I would never trade the education I received.  Now where can I go for an honorary degree?

Did you raise a sociopath?  What would you have done differently?  What advice would you offer?