I'd rather my son had cancer, even terminal cancer.
As a mother, I never, ever thought I would say something like that, but it is my awful truth.
If he had contracted cancer as a teen instead of this personality disorder, then it would have been him and us fighting together against the cancer. Instead, what we got was him turned sociopath, fighting against us and all that we hold dear. And he was determined to infect all of the rest of us, particularly his younger siblings!
Even if it were terminal? Yes! If he had died as the boy we knew and loved, we would miss him desperately, but we would be at peace with knowing that he was in the loving arms of our Savior and that we would be together again someday.
As it stands, we desperately miss the boy that was once such an integral part of our family anyway. We don't recognize this man-child that has tried so hard to tear this family apart. We don't know this man that turned my husband's parents so viciously upon us.
If he had contracted a terminal illness, then he wouldn't be spending his days destroying the lives of innocent women and children, commiting armed robberies and home invasions. He wouldn't have pulled his younger brother along with him into a life of drugs and crime. If he had died while he was young, we wouldn't worry over his eternal salvation.
This is my truth. Why would I share such a thing? In hopes that you will come to peace with the awful truths that your sociopath has brought to your life.
I would love to hear from you as we take this journey toward healing together.