You know how your throat tightens up when you are feeling you will cry? When my son was in the throes of self-destructing and taking his younger brother down with him, making the entire family feel like we were being held hostage, the tension showed up in my throat. I often found myself at times unable to swallow even the smallest amount of liquid or food.
They sent me to a specialist and they performed an endoscopy and "stretched" my throat. Unfortunately, it was so tight that they tore it and I landed in the hospital in tremendous pain. But don't worry. My son wasn't concerned. He snuck out of the house and partied that night despite being on probation.
It wasn't till years later when my son was no longer in the home and an immediate problem to us that I realized that it was just the tension and stress. Now if I pay attention, I can see that the problem returns slightly when I am feeling overwhelmed.
My shoulder was talking to me too. After years of bearing the burden of trying to help these boys help themselves, my shoulder just froze up on me and I couldn't use my arm without tremendous pain. It too tries to recur whenever I am overwhelmed and over-stressed or feeling like I carry too great a burden on my shoulders.
Did you know that 90 percent or more of all physical problems have psychological roots? A growing body of evidence indicates that virtually every ill that can befall the body- from acne to arthritis, headaches to heart disease, cold sores to cancer- is influenced, for better or worse, by our emotions.
When negative feelings are stuffed down or ignored and left unresolved, they are still there, affecting you each and every day. Or as I learned from a great book, "Feelings Buried Alive, Never Die".
When you are forced to deal with a sociopath in your life, you are living with turmoil. It's what they do, create turmoil wherever they go. If you are in a situation where you can't distance yourself completely from that person, you must protect your health so that the turmoil doesn't surface as physical ailments.
For me, exercise is essential to keeping my stress levels under control. So is taking care of my spiritual self. Prayer, scripture study, meditation and applying what I learn to my life is very helpful. If you feel the need for more help in maintain peace and tranquility in your life, then you may want to check out this book also. It is one of those that I re-read every couple of years. It even has a guide of illnesses and the probable feelings causing them.
Listen to your mind and body talk. Take care of yourself. You can find peace and tranquility. You can not only survive, but thrive despite a sociopath!
Thank you for sharing your story. I myself am dealing with a son with mental illness. It helps to know there are others out there. It gives a maybe sort of twisted since of "I'm not alone!"
ReplyDeleteI understand your "twisted sense of I'm not alone!" I don't want anybody else to go through what we have, but it is good to know that there are others out there that understand the tough decisions we've been forced to make. I frequently question myself and I value the support and validation from others that have lived this torment.
ReplyDeleteI too dealt with the same issue. Our son was causing a lot of problems in our home and I had some symtoms that mimiced a heart attack. I later found out it was acid reflux caused by stress.
ReplyDeleteOn another note. We found out, after our son committed 6 felonies at the age of 12 and was put in a treatment facility, that he has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This is a very very interesting disorder and they often push you away.
Anyway.....our son comes home in two weeks and is almost 16 years old now. The facility the state had him in did a fantastic job with him and we really connected. There are some really good books on RAD. Please find "One Love is Not Enough". This book changed our lives.
I have received several comments on RAD since the news story hit. I had no idea it so closely resembled sociopathy! I'm anxious to learn more and will be e-mailing some of those commenters tomorrow. Can it be overcome? I will definitely look for that book. I have a friend now in a foster, possible adoption situation now who is dealing with RAD, so the timing is interesting. Thanks for your input! Prayers go out on your behalf as you prepare to bring him home!
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