Have you ever looked at your sociopath and wondered why they would lie about such simple, unimportant things? They'll lie about what they had for lunch even though it doesn't matter. The truth would serve quite sufficiently, but they'll lie anyway. You will notice that they don't even seem to be able to tell the difference between fact and fiction anymore as they have lied to themselves so extensively.
They'll even lie to you about you. You know perfectly well that it's a lie, but they are so persistent, looking you in the eye and "swearing to God" that it's the truth, that pretty soon you are questioning your own sanity.
Our son, as he worsened, lied both to us and about us. He told the neighbors, his friends, extended family members and all kinds of other people all kinds of horror stories about us to gain their sympathy and their support. We would meet people for the first time and they would look at us like we were monsters. We only learned later about how we had kicked him out, given him alcohol in the home, abused him, etc. They were all lies, but convincing sounding ones coming from his mouth.
It's a wonder that they didn't come and take all of our children away. That was one reason why we corresponded so freely with his counselors and probation officers. I didn't want to be a pest, but I wanted to make sure our side was heard, not out of revenge, but protection for the family.
If you have a child with conduct disorder, I recommend that you stay in close contact via email with teachers, attendance clerks, counselors, etc. And make sure your e-mail is highly secure!
We are still healing wounds our son created with extended family members. They heard so many lies about us over the years from our son through his grandparents who were total suckers for him, that they were convinced of our insanity. Now that the grandparents are gone and our son is in prison, they are very, very slowly realizing that maybe, just maybe we weren't the crazy ones.
To this day, I dread any conversation with our boy and get no pleasure from reading his letters because everything he says, we automatically doubt. It is a horrible way to live, but we have to protect ourselves by not believing him. We can still be victimized by his lies to others about us, but not by his lies to us.
We can minimize even that victimization though when we recognize that it is not personal. Lying and smear campaigns are just what sociopaths do. They are severely handicapped by their missing emotions and the mental illness. He's not doing it because he hates us personally, so much as for the roles we fulfilled in his life as his parents, especially as parents with the guts to call him on his crap and try to warn his prey. For that we can be proud!
No comments:
Post a Comment