"Spawn" is a terrible way to think of any precious child, but it is a good representation of how the sociopath looks upon the children he "brings into this world". (I can't bear to write "fathers" in reference to sociopaths.) Spawn usually refers to offspring in great numbers, and that is what the sociopath tends to produce since they are rarely if ever monogamous and they are incredible risk takers. They tend to sow their seeds everywhere they go.
A recent comment left on this site stated:
"Unfortunately I fell in love with a sociopath, and am now pregnant by him, only to realize he is married with 5 children, and is denying he's the father of my child. He lied about everything about himself, even went so far as to make up a story about his daughter dying. The man shed tears in my presence. Now I'm heartbroken, single, emotionally shattered, and wondering if I have the strength to terminate this pregnancy (I don't believe in abortion). I'm praying I don't have an incurable disease as a result of my interaction with him. My biggest fear is if I have this child, if it will turn out to be a sociopath, because sociopathy is highly genetic."
My reply to her follows:
I'm so sorry to hear this. You have some difficult decisions ahead of you, but thankfully, you've taken that all important first step of recognizing him for what he is.
Yes, there is a chance that the child could inherit it, but there is also a chance that it might not. In our case, only one of our five got the unlucky genes.
I cannot imagine dealing with a conduct disordered child as a single parent though. My husband changed careers once our boy went south because I had to have the mental, spiritual and even physical support at home.
Please, please, please consider the adoption option. Adoptive parents know that just like birth parents, they are taking a chance on what issues the child may have. But they have waited and prayed and prepared for years to have a child and they are equipped to deal with what ever comes their way.
More importantly, if you put the child up for adoption, the sociopath can never return to wreak havoc in his/her life. If you keep the baby, the sociopath is almost certain to never support it financially, and he can return at anytime and haunt both you and the child all your days.
The night our son was arrested, his girlfriend called to tell us and informed us in the same call that she was pregnant. Unfortunately she had already told him. She was a smart, educated girl and my advice to her was to adopt it out, but if not, to at least get him to sign away his rights rather than going for financial support. He'll never pay anyway.
I love, love, love children, but I would sacrifice my relationship with a grandchild anyday if it meant that the child would have a chance at life free of a sociopathic father with two people who are so very prepared and anxious to be parents.
As our son stood trial, the rumor mill spewed out different tales about the now ex-girlfriend. She was pregnant. She wasn't. She'd had a miscarriage. She hadn't. The other girls in "his harem" were mean and nasty about it and we distanced ourselves from all of it as much as we could. The girl had left the state and I suspect that she followed our advice. I pray for her and the child where ever they are and hope that they will remain free of our son's destructive influences.
Trust me when I say that the child will be used as a pawn in the sociopath's game of life. Our son has one child nearby and I've witnessed it repeated over and over in our grandchild's short life as contact with the child was used to try to control myself and others.
It breaks our hearts when this child talks about dad and how he's in prison, but even more, we dread the day our son will get out and return to this child's life. The child is a clone of him, and yet one time he claims the kid and the next time he is denying paternity and wanting us to get DNA testing done. We were there at the birth, we've been there for birthdays and Christmases and mom and dad going in and out of jail and prison. We will not deny this child nor be a part of our son doing so.
I will keep you and your health and the well-being of the child in my prayers. Remember that the most self-less, loving thing you can do is to give this child up. It would be the very hardest thing you would ever do, but you would bring incredible joy to not just the baby, but two parents, four grandparents and countless aunts, uncles and cousins in the new family that you would help create. God bless!
Showing posts with label ASPD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ASPD. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Ignorance is NOT bliss
Some cannot handle facing the fact that their loved one is a sociopath. Others simply don't care, because for the time being anyway, the sociopath is feeding their ego with delicious proclamations of how they are their whole world, they couldn't possibly live without them, and they are the most beautiful creatures on the planet.
Outsiders can see these for what they are, simply ways to control and manipulate the victim, but for whatever reason, the victims shut their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears and sing loudly whenever anyone tries to point out the truth to them. And thus, they remain victims.
Ignorane is NOT bliss. Ignorance is setting oneself up for heartbreak and disaster and allowing oneself to be used and abused.
On the other hand, understanding is recognition, the first step in protecting oneself. Understanding and acknowledging is initially painful, but ultimately freeing. It empowers one to leave the victimhood behind and move on, a stronger person.
"There is no explanation for evil. It must be looked upon as a necessary part of the order of the universe. To ignore it is childish, to bewail it is senseless. " -W. Somereset Maugham
I know that I will not in this life time understand my son's evil ways. I have learned that to ignore it or chalk it up to 'boys will be boys' is foolhardy. I have also learned that to dwell on it or fret about "where we went wrong", allows him to retain power over me.
All those that over the years have chosen to support him are not just his victims, but his accomplices. Someday they may have to answer for their part in the damages he has inflicted upon others. Ignorance is not bliss!
You wouldn't know that by the people that have turned so viciously on us when we have tried to warn them. I will forever be persecuted by him and his kind for calling them on their crap, but even if I should die at his hands, I would not regret taking the brave stand and "outing" him in my efforts to minimize the young lives he tries to destroy. Now if only his harem were brave enough to take their fingers out of their ears...
Outsiders can see these for what they are, simply ways to control and manipulate the victim, but for whatever reason, the victims shut their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears and sing loudly whenever anyone tries to point out the truth to them. And thus, they remain victims.
Ignorane is NOT bliss. Ignorance is setting oneself up for heartbreak and disaster and allowing oneself to be used and abused.
On the other hand, understanding is recognition, the first step in protecting oneself. Understanding and acknowledging is initially painful, but ultimately freeing. It empowers one to leave the victimhood behind and move on, a stronger person.
"There is no explanation for evil. It must be looked upon as a necessary part of the order of the universe. To ignore it is childish, to bewail it is senseless. " -W. Somereset Maugham
I know that I will not in this life time understand my son's evil ways. I have learned that to ignore it or chalk it up to 'boys will be boys' is foolhardy. I have also learned that to dwell on it or fret about "where we went wrong", allows him to retain power over me.
All those that over the years have chosen to support him are not just his victims, but his accomplices. Someday they may have to answer for their part in the damages he has inflicted upon others. Ignorance is not bliss!
You wouldn't know that by the people that have turned so viciously on us when we have tried to warn them. I will forever be persecuted by him and his kind for calling them on their crap, but even if I should die at his hands, I would not regret taking the brave stand and "outing" him in my efforts to minimize the young lives he tries to destroy. Now if only his harem were brave enough to take their fingers out of their ears...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Meetup" with Other Survivors of Sociopaths
I learned something new today!
Meetup is the world's largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face.
Meetup's mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference.
Learn more on the Meetup HQ Blog.
And guess what? There are listings under Sociopath!
If you live in Arizona, this group may be for you.
In Florida, they have a group that meets via telephone for safety reasons.
There is also a group for New Yorkers.
And of course, Texas is also represented by a group.
If you know of a support group for survivors of sociopaths anywhere in the english speaking world, let us know about it! We must help each other heal and remember so that we are never sucked back in again.
Meetup is the world's largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face.
Meetup's mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference.
Learn more on the Meetup HQ Blog.
And guess what? There are listings under Sociopath!
If you live in Arizona, this group may be for you.
In Florida, they have a group that meets via telephone for safety reasons.
There is also a group for New Yorkers.
And of course, Texas is also represented by a group.
If you know of a support group for survivors of sociopaths anywhere in the english speaking world, let us know about it! We must help each other heal and remember so that we are never sucked back in again.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sociopath, Psychopath or Anti Social Personality Disorder? Which is it?
So is he/she a "sociopath", "psychopath" or do they have "Anti Social Personality Disorder" (ASPD)? You pick, because basically, they're the same thing, particularly since few are ever officially diagnosed.
Calling someone a "Psychopath" tends to instill undue terror of those with this condition. This term usually instills thoughts of psychotic serial killers and so in the 1930's, authorities changed the term to sociopath.
"Sociopath" still carries weight and forewarns those who could be victimized, for even if the terror they inflict is merely emotional, it is terrorizing none-the-less. Once again, the term became synonymous with serial killers though, so the powers-that-be changed the name of the condition to ASPD.
Not only is the term "Anti Social Personality Disorder" long and ungainly, but it is too light and too benign or innocent sounding to protect the innocents that these people run across. All need to understand the gravity of the condition.
You will find that most people who write about the condition prefer the term sociopath, while those still caught in the midst of the terror lean towards psychopath. I prefer the weight of the name "sociopath" and will use it in my writings.
Somewhere, I heard that there are no degrees of sociopathy, that all are equally dangerous and that the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is merely opportunity. Chilling.
In my experience, there are "higher functioning" sociopaths that maintain jobs and at least the facade of a marriage and family.
My son would be an example of a "lower functioning" sociopath. He couch surfs when not incarcerated, because he can't hold onto a job for long, and therefore a place to live. He simply cannot hold onto any relationship for long due to his inability to remain faithful and non-violent. He abuses substances and lives a life of crime.
Call it what you want, but learn and protect yourself. If you have anything else to add that would help others protect themselves and move on, please share.
Calling someone a "Psychopath" tends to instill undue terror of those with this condition. This term usually instills thoughts of psychotic serial killers and so in the 1930's, authorities changed the term to sociopath.
"Sociopath" still carries weight and forewarns those who could be victimized, for even if the terror they inflict is merely emotional, it is terrorizing none-the-less. Once again, the term became synonymous with serial killers though, so the powers-that-be changed the name of the condition to ASPD.
Not only is the term "Anti Social Personality Disorder" long and ungainly, but it is too light and too benign or innocent sounding to protect the innocents that these people run across. All need to understand the gravity of the condition.
You will find that most people who write about the condition prefer the term sociopath, while those still caught in the midst of the terror lean towards psychopath. I prefer the weight of the name "sociopath" and will use it in my writings.
Somewhere, I heard that there are no degrees of sociopathy, that all are equally dangerous and that the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is merely opportunity. Chilling.
In my experience, there are "higher functioning" sociopaths that maintain jobs and at least the facade of a marriage and family.
My son would be an example of a "lower functioning" sociopath. He couch surfs when not incarcerated, because he can't hold onto a job for long, and therefore a place to live. He simply cannot hold onto any relationship for long due to his inability to remain faithful and non-violent. He abuses substances and lives a life of crime.
Call it what you want, but learn and protect yourself. If you have anything else to add that would help others protect themselves and move on, please share.
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