You know how your throat tightens up when you are feeling you will cry? When my son was in the throes of self-destructing and taking his younger brother down with him, making the entire family feel like we were being held hostage, the tension showed up in my throat. I often found myself at times unable to swallow even the smallest amount of liquid or food.
They sent me to a specialist and they performed an endoscopy and "stretched" my throat. Unfortunately, it was so tight that they tore it and I landed in the hospital in tremendous pain. But don't worry. My son wasn't concerned. He snuck out of the house and partied that night despite being on probation.
It wasn't till years later when my son was no longer in the home and an immediate problem to us that I realized that it was just the tension and stress. Now if I pay attention, I can see that the problem returns slightly when I am feeling overwhelmed.
My shoulder was talking to me too. After years of bearing the burden of trying to help these boys help themselves, my shoulder just froze up on me and I couldn't use my arm without tremendous pain. It too tries to recur whenever I am overwhelmed and over-stressed or feeling like I carry too great a burden on my shoulders.
Did you know that 90 percent or more of all physical problems have psychological roots? A growing body of evidence indicates that virtually every ill that can befall the body- from acne to arthritis, headaches to heart disease, cold sores to cancer- is influenced, for better or worse, by our emotions.
When negative feelings are stuffed down or ignored and left unresolved, they are still there, affecting you each and every day. Or as I learned from a great book, "Feelings Buried Alive, Never Die".
When you are forced to deal with a sociopath in your life, you are living with turmoil. It's what they do, create turmoil wherever they go. If you are in a situation where you can't distance yourself completely from that person, you must protect your health so that the turmoil doesn't surface as physical ailments.
For me, exercise is essential to keeping my stress levels under control. So is taking care of my spiritual self. Prayer, scripture study, meditation and applying what I learn to my life is very helpful. If you feel the need for more help in maintain peace and tranquility in your life, then you may want to check out this book also. It is one of those that I re-read every couple of years. It even has a guide of illnesses and the probable feelings causing them.
Listen to your mind and body talk. Take care of yourself. You can find peace and tranquility. You can not only survive, but thrive despite a sociopath!
Showing posts with label buried feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buried feelings. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Forgive and forget a sociopath? Are you nuts?!
I believe in forgiveness. Yes, even for a sociopath. I do not however, believe in forgetting when it involves a sociopath and I don't believe that the Lord would want us to. Forgive them and move on? Yes! Forget and be a repeat abuse victim? No! Never.
Now let me add that forgive and forget is perfectly sound advice when dealing with healthy people who may hurt or offend you. I want people to both forgive and forget the mistakes I've made and I certainly want the Lord to do the same for me, so I must offer that to others as well! The rules are different when you are dealing with a sociopath, however, and only because you must defend and protect yourself and your family.
I saw on Facebook where a woman, trying to heal and move forward asked how she can forget the sociopath. She was wisely advised not to. While continuing to dwell on the sociopath and the havoc he wreaked, will only empower him or her, it is very important for us to always remember the lessons learned.
She also asked how she can forgive herself. Come again? She was a victim! There is no forgiveness of self required unless she continues to remain a victim.
One way to pave the road toward forgiveness is to remember that the sick, evil games that sociopaths play can and will be played on anyone and everyone. It's not about you, it's about opportunity as they see it. You are just a game piece in this game they call life. You were merely an opportunity to attain something they wanted.
Don't take it personally. Easier said than done, right? It is tough to do for me as a mother, but I recognize that my son would hate anybody that had been his mother. He would hate anybody who stood in his way and called him on his crap.
It is a proven fact that forgiveness is good for you. There are definite health benefits such as lower heart rate, blood pressure and stress levels resulting in lower risk of depression for you, the forgiver. Many find that once they forgive another, that many of their health complaints are relieved. It is true that feelings buried alive never die- they just pop up in the form of physical ailments! So do it for you. Find forgiveness in your heart, but don't ever forget lest you be victimized again.
"Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."
- The Peacegiver
Now let me add that forgive and forget is perfectly sound advice when dealing with healthy people who may hurt or offend you. I want people to both forgive and forget the mistakes I've made and I certainly want the Lord to do the same for me, so I must offer that to others as well! The rules are different when you are dealing with a sociopath, however, and only because you must defend and protect yourself and your family.
I saw on Facebook where a woman, trying to heal and move forward asked how she can forget the sociopath. She was wisely advised not to. While continuing to dwell on the sociopath and the havoc he wreaked, will only empower him or her, it is very important for us to always remember the lessons learned.
She also asked how she can forgive herself. Come again? She was a victim! There is no forgiveness of self required unless she continues to remain a victim.
One way to pave the road toward forgiveness is to remember that the sick, evil games that sociopaths play can and will be played on anyone and everyone. It's not about you, it's about opportunity as they see it. You are just a game piece in this game they call life. You were merely an opportunity to attain something they wanted.
Don't take it personally. Easier said than done, right? It is tough to do for me as a mother, but I recognize that my son would hate anybody that had been his mother. He would hate anybody who stood in his way and called him on his crap.
It is a proven fact that forgiveness is good for you. There are definite health benefits such as lower heart rate, blood pressure and stress levels resulting in lower risk of depression for you, the forgiver. Many find that once they forgive another, that many of their health complaints are relieved. It is true that feelings buried alive never die- they just pop up in the form of physical ailments! So do it for you. Find forgiveness in your heart, but don't ever forget lest you be victimized again.
"Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."
- The Peacegiver
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